On balance and surrender.

Okay kids, we are about to get deep.

One of the biggest mind-shifts I've had to make during pregnancy is to trust and surrender to my body and self. In the past, I have tended to fight and battle with what my body wants. I would stay up later than I should and self-medicate with sugar. Sleep, proper meals, exercise and rest were definitely not priorities.

Giving in and accepting that I need to sleep more, eat properly and take care of myself has been a big, difficult change. I often feel useless and wussy, instead of proud that I am growing a freaking human being. On the weekends when we are renovating, I normally am getting up ladders, sanding walls and plastering and digging and bricklaying. Now, I can't get up a ladder, can't stand up for too long as my back aches, can't carry anything and can't move fast. It is an odd feeling, especially coming from a family of over-achievers with ridiculously strong work ethics.

All in all, this is probably a healthy thing, as it forces me to take it slowly and nurture myself rather than constantly push. I am slowly coming around to the realisation that having an afternoon nap or spending the evening on the couch instead of painting architraves isn't lazy, and is in fact necessary for my health and the health of the baby.

Pregnancy has given me nothing if not perspective and an understanding of the importance of prioritising my health. What I want to do is carry this 'surrender' feeling into motherhood, and resist the urge to try and become a supermum with a spotless, gorgeous house and well-fed, sleeping baby, perfect relationship and perfect hair, who runs a business and does it all without breaking a sweat.  This will be a challenge in itself as I tend to be a compulsive over-achiever with no concept of balance. Shifting my priorities, slowing down, nurturing and resting will be number one in the next few months.